Monday, January 08, 2007

Fictional story that has nothing whatsoever to do with fox hunting

I was talking to two French people in the pub and the one with the hat on said, "Well you know, the British love their fox hunting."

I was outraged!

"But...but, but I don't hunt foxes!" They looked at me like I was a bit stupid. "We never said you did hunt foxes."
"You said the British love their fox hunting!"
"I didn't actually mean every single British person," said the one with the hat on.
"Why didn't you say that some British people love their fox hunting then?"
"Umm, it didn't seem necessary. If I meant "all" I would have said "all". I just meant that fox hunting is mainly associated with Britain not that all Britons do it. Seemed obvious if you don't mind me saying."
"I happen to hate fox hunting actually."
"We never said you didn't," said the other French person, who was not wearing a hat, "So, do you protest against it?"
"No."
"Why not if you hate it so much?"
"It's not really an issue that affects me."
"It seems to upset you that we associate it with Britain."
"Of course it upsets me. I'm British. It's embarrassing that that's what people think of us!"
"Perhaps you should do something about it then?"
"It's really not my problem. I'm just saying that I don't hunt foxes and perhaps you should not think all British people hunt foxes. You're making all British people look bad."

They began to look quite frustrated at that point.

7 Comments:

Blogger mistermorgan said...

O why don't more people adore you?

No, I'm serious. Of course, if these guys really wanted to do something substantive to fight fox hunting, they'd stop hurting the feelings of innocent British folk like yourself, and instead realise that it's more effective to make plaintive appeals to the most committed and powerful fox hunters.

Sounds like the French are trying to engage in a bit of absolutist cultural imperialism, too. Coming to your country and thinking they can tell you how to treat your foxes (well, not you personally).

Need I mention that studies have shown that French foxes generally grow up depressed and confused, no doubt because France has forgotten that foxes are biologically designed to be hunted. It's science, people!

9:23 AM  
Blogger jo22 said...

Ha! I should have mentioned the studies. I was too busy defending my country.

No doubt they would have said the research was biased because it came from Britain. Briton-haters.

3:31 PM  
Blogger mistermorgan said...

You know, I've actually heard stories of foxes hunting people sometimes.

So, frankly, it's not really fair only to criticise the British, and it's hypocritical that they claim to oppose hunting, yet clearly in practise only oppose the hunting that effects a certain class of life.

And remember: hunting is about killing a dangerous animal. Nothing to do with power. Foxes just ... need to be reminded what they want.
Which is to be shot. I know it sounds crazy but hey,
I can't claim to speak for foxes everywhere - I'll leave that to the scientists whose latest study (sponsored by the Arch Duke of Huntington, no less) supports everything I've just said.

12:22 AM  
Blogger jo22 said...

Yes, foxes hunting Britons is more common than they pretend. Besides, if they didn't want to be shot they wouldn't run about with those bushy tails in full view now would they?

10:53 AM  
Blogger mistermorgan said...

You should check out 'britonscanstophunting.org'. Quality site.

Frankly I think this dichotomous notion of the hunter and the fox is what leads to the problem of foxhunting in the first place. Rather similar to mainstream conceptions of sex, the entire thing is based on the eventual scenario of a bullet penetrating the fox's body.

Thus any notion of 'consent' on the part of the fox is of course a construction of hunters, and endures because they only understand the responses of the fox relative to their own application of gunfire. It's an understanding propagated by hunters that goes unquestioned by an almost absolute majority of British.

By the by - I hear there's a surgery now that can make foxes look like Britons. You may be interested to find that it's the same company doing the surgery as it is making the guns. Costs a bit, though.

(uh, look please tell me if this is just comment spam...)

12:18 PM  
Blogger stormy said...

Don't forget, then when you are not foxhunting, you can always look at lots of pictures of foxhunting.

I wonders if the pictures are justified on the grounds of a safety valve to alleviate bloodlust?

12:35 PM  
Blogger mistermorgan said...

I guess in isolation that could seem like a good idea, but in reality firing a few rounds into the wall isn't nearly as satisfying as actual killing, and readers of Horse and Hound generally 'graduate' to actual hunting when target shooting loses its appeal. Need I remind you that the voices of the foxes are never heard in such media - their complicity is assumed for the fantasy of readers, and this is then internalised in the hunter's erroneous notion of a 'natural balance'.

I mean, it's not as if being exposed solely to material that devalues foxes and turns them into murder objects would create a culture where it's acceptable to hunt! That's such a straightforward explanation that it might make the British feel kind of barbarous and cruel, so it clearly cannot be true, logically speaking.

PS: this is fun

3:08 AM  

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